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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23668090">Lay Your Ghosts to Rest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/potts89/pseuds/potts89'>potts89</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt Tony Stark, Pepperony - Freeform, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective Pepper Potts, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Needs a Hug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:13:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,307</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23668090</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/potts89/pseuds/potts89</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"It will be asking a lot from you if I show you the footage, Pep. We’re not together anymore, and you are under no obligation to—"</p>
  <p>"You can keep building up walls and you can keep breaking up with me, but it will never change the fact that I love you, Tony. And whether you want me in your life or not, I will always be your family. Whatever you found out in Siberia, you can throw it at me. I can take it. I will help you carry it."</p>
</blockquote>How Pepper found out the truth behind the "accident" of Howard and Maria Stark.
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Pepper Potts/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Lay Your Ghosts to Rest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>“He does miss you when you’re not here.”</em> </p><p>
  <em>Maria Stark told her twenty one year-old son who was standing in the corner, arms crossed defiantly over his chest, and fixing his gaze on anything, anyone but her. “And frankly,” she continued as she stood up from the piano to approach Tony, “You’re going to miss us. Because this is the last time we're all going to be together.” She stroked his arm, willing him to meet her gaze as she softly added, “You know what's about to happen.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony defeatedly looked at his mother and gave her a small nod. “Say something,” she almost pleaded just as Tony saw Howard walk back into the room, bags in hand and clearly ready to go. He looked away, avoiding his mother’s gaze and not wanting to look at Howard either. “If you don't, you'll regret it,” his mother said knowingly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He sighed in frustration, unyielding and defiant. But one look at his mother made him realize that he would do anything for her, even if that beautiful face was imploring him to say something, anything remotely close to whatever passes for affection given his strained relationship with his father.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Begrudgingly, Tony looked at Howard who was quietly observing his wife and his son as he stood by the piano. “I love you, Dad...” he forced the words out, more matter-of-factly than affectionately, as he looked back at his mother and sadly held her gaze, “...and I know you did the best you could.”</em>
</p><p>---- --- ----</p><p>Pepper Potts stood quietly by the door, watching the whole scene unfold in front of her. She gasped inaudibly as Maria Stark placed a hand above a young Tony’s chest and leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek. She saw the longing look this Tony gave his mother as Maria lightly touched his cheek before heading out of the room. She caught the quick glance Howard Stark gave his son before following his wife as they leave for the Pentagon. She fought back tears as a young Tony Stark watched the elder Starks leave, never to return again.</p><p>“Tony…”</p><p>As if on cue, the hologram of a young Tony Stark and of the Starks’ New York mansion piano room shimmered then started to dissolve, revealing the familiar interiors of their private quarters, <em>Tony’s</em> quarters (she mentally corrected herself), here at the compound. She saw Tony, <em>her</em> Tony, took off his glasses and leaned his head back on the couch with his eyes closed, his right arm resting on his side and his left bent at the elbow and resting on a sling.</p><p>“I did not mean to intrude. FRIDAY said you’re here and that I can come in, and I had no idea that…” Pepper took a deep breath, and softly added, “I’ll just wait for you downstairs. Do you need anything?”</p><p>She turned to leave as she was almost sure Tony did not hear her as he remained so still, but his long and heavy sigh stopped her just as she saw Tony opened his eyes, those dark brown pleading eyes, to look in her direction, “Pep... Stay with me? Please?”</p><p>She couldn’t say no, she just couldn’t. She had long resigned herself to the fact that those eyes will one day be the death of her, and it was not fair that he continued to have that power over her regardless if they were together or not. It just wasn’t fair, she knew that, but neither was she heartless nor cruel.</p><p>“Of course,” she answered as she went to approach him.</p><p>Tony tried to give her a small smile before leaning his head back again on the couch, eyes closed, an anguished expression on his face. She stood in front of him to study him carefully and noted the bruising beneath and on the lateral aspect of his right eye, and that his left arm was (supposedly) immobilized by an improperly worn sling. There were also minor cuts and days-old gashes on his face and arms but everything seemed to be healing well, at least the ones she could see but she was not ruling out broken ribs and more bruises beneath his shirt just yet. The man, himself, however, was a different story.</p><p>Unsure how to broach the subject of the hologram, Pepper proceeded to get a bottle of water from the minifridge sitting at the corner. “Headache?” she asked as she disappeared into the bathroom to retrieve a bottle of pills she knew was stored in the medicine cabinet they kept there. She barely heard Tony’s muffled, “Thanks,” when she handed him the pills and the bottle of water. She then carefully adjusted his arm sling before taking a seat beside him. She gazed at him, released a deep sigh she didn’t realize she was holding, and, out of habit, raised her hand in an attempt to stroke his hair before stopping midair when her pragmatic self kicked in and reminded her that she and Tony were not together like <em>that</em>, not anymore.</p><p>“I’m really sorry, Tony. FRIDAY said I can come in, and…”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it, Pep,” he told her as he slowly opened his eyes to gaze blankly at the ceiling. “Why are you here, anyway?” he asked, still not looking at her.</p><p>Pepper took a moment to carefully choose how to respond to that. The easier, professional answer would be<em> “Because the Board wanted to know your plans for the Avengers Compound moving forward,” </em>given that the compound was still privately bankrolled by Tony and therefore, by extension, the Stark Industries. But while Pepper Potts had always been a consummate professional, she and Tony knew that the Board could wait. So, no, the Board’s inquiry did not factor in her decision to take the jet from D.C. and rush to the compound after Vision, of all <em>people</em>, informed her that Tony had to be brought home from Siberia via a quinjet because his suit’s reactor went dead.</p><p>Yes, she had to cancel with MIT because she could not bear to be in the same room with Tony just yet, but she knew that whatever happened in Siberia trumped everything else. She would just have to endure the pain of seeing Tony only for him to push her away again and to insist on this break, this ridiculous break, but at least she would get to see him, she would know that he was okay. So she decided to give him the truth, because he had been pushing her away for so long anyway that she basically had nothing more to lose.</p><p>“I learned about what happened in Germany, and, God, Jim…” she shook her head in disbelief as she wiped a few tears that started streaming down her face. “I came here as soon as I could. I wanted to check on Jim as soon as he arrived, and.. I <em>need</em> to know, I need to see that you're okay.”</p><p><em>Even if you keep pushing me away, </em>her mind helpfully added.</p><p>She wanted to just let the dam break right there and then, but she had to get a hold of herself because Tony… Tony looked so lost and miserable and haunted that she knew he needed someone, he needed her to keep him anchored.</p><p>“How’s Rhodey?” he asked still avoiding her gaze.</p><p>Pepper tried to muster a small, reassuring smile as she took his right hand in both of her own, momentarily forgetting her earlier dilemma about the current state of their relationship. “He’s gonna be okay. Helen’s making sure everything went well during his transfer from Germany. She said he could already stay in his private quarters instead of the med bay tonight.”</p><p>Tony sighed deeply, relieved that Rhodes seemed to be out of the woods already, paralyzed maybe, for now, but definitely out of the woods. He finally looked at Pepper, mournfully asking for reassurance, “Roberta’s here? Jeanette’s here?”</p><p>“Everyone’s here,” she nodded and that seemed to comfort him a bit.</p><p>She watched him take multiple deep breaths, a bit calmer now than when he first asked about Rhodes but not looking any less troubled, his eyes still looking haunted and his gaze still far away. Her heart ached for wanting to comfort him, but she had no idea where to begin. Sure, she knew about the Accords, about Germany and Rhodes' accident, the falling out between Tony and Steve.. but she was so sure that there was so much more to it than just the Accords, something so pivotal that Tony ended up coming home from Siberia with a battered, non-functioning armor, multiple injuries to match, and the Captain America shield.</p><p>And the hologram, what was that about? She knew about B.A.R.F., of course (they really needed a better name for that tech), but why that particular memory and why now? She knew she would need to ask, for Tony’s sake, because there was no one else who could comfort him and make him feel safe enough to talk. There was no one else who would understand. “<em>I don’t have anyone but you,” </em>he had told her once.  She was going over in her head how to best ask Tony, when he interrupted her thoughts.</p><p>“She was beautiful, wasn’t she?” he told Pepper pensively, and it took a split-second for her to realize that he was talking about his mother but she nodded in quiet agreement. “Whenever I came home for the holidays, I would always hang out at the piano room and just listen to her play, and sing, too. Sometimes, I would join her, tickle those ivories. It was our thing, you know?” Tony added, wistfully.</p><p>“I have only seen pictures of your mother before as she was not in much of the reels. I didn’t know she had such a beautiful voice. She played so well, too.” She gave Tony’s hand a reassuring squeeze before she added, “She was a lovely woman, Tony.”</p><p>Tony turned to meet her gaze with the same anguished expression from earlier, tears threatening to fall from those dark brown eyes that had never looked so lost until now. He looked so broken, and it bothered her so much that she almost missed what he muttered next, “She was not supposed to die that night, Pep.”</p><p>“What do you mean? Was she not supposed to go with Howard that night?”</p><p>Tony just shook his head, the first set of tears falling as he leaned forward to rest his head on his right hand, his elbow at his knee. “You know, for the past twenty five years I’ve been blaming Howard for the accident,” he said as he wiped his face with his hand before gazing straight ahead at nothing in particular. “He was an alcoholic, you know? I’m sure you do. I got it from him after all.”</p><p>“Tony, don’t…”</p><p>“I blamed him, Pep,” Tony continued. “I blamed him for the accident because I knew he had had a few drinks that night and yet he was the one driving the car. I never found it in my heart to mourn him, let alone forgive him for everything he did or did not do, because in my head he killed Mom. He was such an irresponsible, alcoholic bastard who ended up having Mom killed, and I could never forgive him.”</p><p>Pepper wanted nothing more than to comfort him, but for the first time in quite a really long while, she honestly had no idea what to say. She had always known that Tony had a strained relationship with his father growing up and that the two never had a chance to patch things up before the accident. She had always known that the accident was something he never liked to talk about, so she had no idea what brought this on until he continued.</p><p>“When I was in Siberia I found this footage… from the night they died.”</p><p>Siberia. That was when she felt something clenched her heart. She felt a lump in her throat, anxious now on where his account was leading them to, but she could not help but whisper carefully, “What was in the footage?”</p><p>He stopped to look at her desolately before he continued, “It will be asking a lot from you if I show you the footage, Pep. We’re not together anymore, and you are under no obligation to—”</p><p>“You asked me to stay, and I’m here, right?” she cut in before he could say anything to push her away again. She willed him to hold her gaze as she went on. “You can keep building up walls and you can keep breaking up with me, but it will never change the fact that I love you, Tony. And whether you want me in your life or not, I will always be your family<em>.</em>” She raised a hand to wipe a tear before cupping his face, “Whatever you found out in Siberia, you can throw it at me. I can take it. I will help you carry it.”</p><p>He leaned in to her touch for a while but was soon reminded of the very reason why he let her go, because he knew that he will never, ever deserve her. He was a selfish bastard, but not selfish enough to pull her back into this never ending chaos that was his life.</p><p>“Pep…” he stood up to pour himself some whiskey from the wet bar opposite the couch in an attempt to put some distance between them, “I never should have asked you to stay. I’m really sorry.”</p><p>Pepper just shook her head and took the Stark pad lying on the coffee table, tapped in some codes, and asked FRIDAY to play the footage in the tablet.</p><p>“Pep, you don’t have to…”</p><p>“I’m not losing you again over another trauma, Tony,” Pepper answered quietly but firmly. <em>You’re all I have too, you know</em>, she wished she could remind him.</p><p>“Okay,” he muttered softly. He went on to grab his drink as he slowly sank to the floor, finally giving in to the emotional exhaustion that had weighed so heavily on his chest since Siberia. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see the tears that streamed down Pepper’s face as she watched the footage.</p><p>Pepper gasped quietly as the video revealed a car driving down a dirt road, which came crashing against a tree after it was disabled by a man riding a motorcycle. Her heart broke as she watched Howard ask the man to help his wife, and she had to look away when Howard slumped dead behind the steering wheel after the man, who to her horror she realized was Barnes, pounded Howard in the face with his metal fist. She was quietly sobbing when she saw Maria Stark in the passenger seat, helplessly calling Howard’s name. A cold chill went through her spine when she finally saw Barnes walk around the car and gripped Maria’s throat.</p><p>“FRIDAY, that’s enough…” she almost pleaded in between sobs. Mercifully, the playback ended before she saw the Winter Soldier strangle Maria Stark to death. With shaky hands, she placed the tablet back on the coffee table and summoned all the strength she had left to rise from the couch and rush to Tony’s side. She knelt beside him, put her arms around him, and held him close as she tried to pull herself together. She felt Tony collapse in her arms, his head resting on her shoulder while he clung to her arms as if his life depended on it.</p><p>“I blamed Howard for twenty-five years...” Tony broke the silence after it was long enough for her sobs to become quiet tears and for his ragged breathing to become more regular. “I blamed him a lot, when I should have realized that he would never do anything to hurt Mom. He wasn’t exactly a good man, but he did love her... He loved her more than anything.”</p><p>“He sure did,” Pepper reassured him as she continued to hold him close.</p><p>“Steve knew and he kept it from me,” Tony said, the hurt and betrayal very much evident in his tone. “And yet his betrayal was not even the worst part of it all.” He took a deep breath before he continued and tried to force back the tears that were threatening to fall. “Do you know what’s worse than knowing it was an assassination and not an accident? It was knowing that Mom did not have to die that night. It hurts so much because she was just collateral damage, Pep.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Tony…”</p><p>That was really all that she could offer Tony at the moment – that she was sorry, that she would be there for him no matter what, that she would never betray him unlike the others. There was only so much that she could say to help ease the grief after all. So she continued to hold him close, hoping against hope that he would somehow make it through this ordeal with as few emotional scars as possible.</p><p><em>He would be alright, eventually</em>, she thought, more to reassure herself than anything else.</p><p>They held each other for a while, until Tony began to untangle from her embrace to lean against the wall and pick up his drink. He took a sip before continuing, “And I never got to say goodbye to them, you know? What you saw, B.A.R.F.? That’s how I wished it happened. I found out about the crash when Peggy called me from the hospital, and Jarvis drove me there but I left because I couldn’t handle it. I remember nothing from the funeral, I wasn’t sober and Obie... Stane had me escorted out. I never laid flowers on their graves, I pay someone to do it. I’m sure you’ve noticed, that I never went.”</p><p>“I did notice,” Pepper said, quietly nodding in understanding. “But don’t persecute yourself over something your twenty one year-old self could not handle. I could only imagine how difficult it must have been to lose both your parents at the same time.”</p><p>“I was a coward, Pep,” he said avoiding her gaze, focusing on anything but her. “My father always thought that I was weak, and in the moment that mattered the most, I was. I left Peggy and Jarvis to deal with the hospital… I ran away after the funeral. I’ve been pushing myself to prove him wrong, and… pushing you away.”</p><p>“Tony, look at me,” she tried to offer him a small smile as she waited for him to meet her gaze. “You didn’t run away because you couldn’t handle death, I think it’s because you couldn’t handle feelings. But you’re not like that anymore.” She raised a hand to gently cup his face and wipe a tear with her thumb, “You’re strong, you care about people… you were selfless enough to let me go. Tony, you have become someone that your parents could be proud of. You’re the bravest person I know.” She smiled softly, stood up and offered her hand to pull him up to his feet before saying, “Come, let’s say goodbye.”</p><p>He looked at Pepper and he was again reminded how he truly did not deserve her at all. But he silently thanked his lucky stars for that accounting error that sent this woman to his life – this woman who deserved someone better, someone without a complicated past, someone with a safe future, and yet here she was, choosing to be with him every day, in every waking moment.</p><p>As they walked out of the compound on their way to visit his parents’ grave, he put his good arm around her and pulled her close, kissed her temple and whispered, “Thank you.”<br/>
<br/>
His ghosts were finally at rest.</p><p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Didn't you ever wonder how Pepper knew about the assassination of Tony's parents?</p><p>Because I honestly believe he told her, which could explain the difference between Pepper's regard for the Avengers between the first Avengers movie (remember the conversation with Phil? She encouraged Tony to work on his homework) and Endgame (when she would not even step out of the house to greet them, sending Morgan to 'rescue' her Dad, instead). That and the fallout from Civil War, of course.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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